did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
