There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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