Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
