So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
