I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
