I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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