I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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