If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
