maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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