i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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