turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
