I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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