The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
