In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
