OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
