I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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