i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
