i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
