i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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