If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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