What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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