my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
