There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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