He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
