Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
