guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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