well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
