He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
