I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
