people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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