all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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