my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
