I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
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We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Sorry my hands just texted you
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
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I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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