Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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