dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
