it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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