I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
