He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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