i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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