I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
