honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize