Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There r osticjed everywhere
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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