these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
