Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
