Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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