Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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