I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
