perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
