so explain again why im purple
no
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
