Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
