i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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