They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came in the potted fern
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize