The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm getting married
To pizza
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
