Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
