The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
