i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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