I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
