my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
