The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
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Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
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You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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