this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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