my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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