I think scott just propositioned me for sex
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
