bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
How many fucks given?
0.12846
i think i just lost a toe
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
