my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
