Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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