I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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