I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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