My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
only if we run a train.
done.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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