I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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