It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
