An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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