Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
