Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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