pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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