sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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