i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
