Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
