So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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