It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
