We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
