Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
