is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I need to wash the frat house off of me
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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