Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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