the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
